Is making new friends in your 20s an impossible task?

There are only three months to go until I finish university and move back home. This is a scary realisation; so much of my identity has been shaped by the people I met in educational environments. As I prepare to leave this part of my life behind and enter a new chapter full of uncertainty, there is one question on my mind: “How will I make new friends?”

The BBC loneliness survey revealed that 16 to 24 is the loneliest age group, with 40% of people in this age range stating they “often or very often feel lonely.” In comparison, only 27% of over-75 year olds reported feeling this way. Loneliness is a feeling that is not often associated with the twenties, but it is something a lot of us tend to experience. In fact, according to non-profit organisation The Great Friendship Project, it’s an epidemic among young adults.

The organisation’s founder, David, views loneliness as a crisis which impacts both our physical health and mental wellbeing. He argues that loneliness can lead to young people losing confidence in themselves, stating that it’s “associated with higher rates of depression, suicide and anxiety.” Additionally, David says these feelings can have a physical impact too. “Loneliness can be worse for your heart than a lack of exercise,” he states.

Fighting the loneliness epidemic

With such drastic health and wellbeing implications, overcoming loneliness is essential. So, what can be done to combat the feelings which are beginning to characterise many young adult’s lives?

On social media, accounts focused on creating community are growing every day. An Instagram page named @thegirliesloveto, dedicated to “navigating your twenties and making friends along the way,” gained over 10,000 followers just four days after launching. The founder, Imogen Cribb, hosts events for followers to meet up and expand their circle.

However, joining such communities and attending events without speaking to anyone first may seem too intimidating for many. But, there’s a new app that might provide another solution.

Bumble for Friends is a dating app with a twist. Its sole purpose is to make friends, as it claims to help you on your journey to “create new, meaningful friendships near you." But does it really work? I spent a week connecting with strangers to find out.

Making the profile

I’m no stranger to a dating app. Back in my single days I found apps like Tinder and Hinge a great way to meet people, but making a profile never gets easier. However, after downloading the app, I was greeted with a reminder that this is “an app just for friendship,” built on “safety, trust and kindness.” Seeing this somewhat eased my initial nerves. Feeling hopeful and intrigued, I entered my email and created an account.

What came next was a flurry of questions designed to help you showcase your best self. First, I was asked to choose who I’d like to make friends with; I picked women and nonbinary people. Next, I had to declare my relationship status, how often I drink, my star sign, my religion, my job, my hobbies and my interests. Initially, answering all these questions seemed a little overwhelming, but I trusted the process nonetheless.

Then it was time to choose my pictures and write my bio. This took forever. I wanted to seem friendly and approachable, ensuring that my interests and personality shone through. After trawling my camera roll more times than I’d like to admit, I chose pictures which demonstrated all aspects of me; a few holiday snaps, some with drinks in hand, and a few of me with my best friends and boyfriend. I kept my bio short and sweet, explaining who I am and what I was looking for. Then, it was finally time to start matching.

Matching with people

When you scroll through the homepage, you swipe right to make a friend or left to discard a profile. To make your decision you can view everyone’s pictures, prompts and bio. With access to all of this information, it feels as though you know a little something about the person even before your first conversation.

During the matching phase I did encounter a small issue with the app's configuration: you have to pay to see who has liked your profile. This speeds up the matching feature significantly; you can see who has swiped right on you and then swipe right back, guaranteeing a match. With deals starting from £2.49 for one week of access to your likes, paying for this feature doesn’t exactly break the bank. However, I couldn’t help but feel as though it was an unnecessary expense. There are other friendship apps on the market, such as Yubo and Wink, so maybe consider these if you’re not up for paying the fee.

I had my reservations about how easy it would be to make friends purely based on viewing a profile because, unlike looking for a romantic partner, looks don’t count for much. So, you are expected to go off of the overall vibe of the person. When setting up my profile, I had answered many questions, and Bumble alerted me when someone had picked the same answer as me. In practice, I think this feature is intended to make the matching process easier but, in reality, making friends with different kinds of people can be more beneficial.

Many young people value diversity when making friends; with 84% of teenagers stating that they have a friend who is of a different gender, race or ethnicity to them, according to Wales Institute of Social and Economic Research and Data. This research also highlighted how important difference in friendship is, as having diverse friends can encourage “more inclusive social engagements” in later life. Just by chance, I found myself matching with people from all walks of life.

Each match I made was accompanied by a notification that read “You have a new friend!” With this encouraging ping came a buzz of adrenaline which, I must admit, still hasn’t got old. Spurred on by this encouragement, I decided to be bold and send the first message. In the past, when I’d dabbled in dating apps for romantic relationships, I’d never dream of putting myself out there first. But, something felt different when talking to a potential new friend. So, I simply messaged “Hey, how are you? X” and eagerly awaited my reply.

After just three days on the app, I already had arrangements to go to a hot yoga class, a walk around the park and out for dinner with three different girls. It’s as easy as that!

Meeting new friends

I continued using Bumble for Friends throughout the week, and it was soon time for my first friendship date. Having solo travelled and moved to a new city for university, meeting new people is never something that I’ve really struggled with. However, I found myself feeling strangely nervous ahead of my first date.

Date #1: hot yoga with Molly

For my first friendship date, I went to a hot yoga class with my new friend, Molly. Hot yoga was a new activity for me, and I felt a bit on edge about sharing this experience with a complete stranger.

What if she doesn’t like me? What if we have nothing to talk about? What if I’ve been catfished? Hundreds of questions were racing through my mind, but as soon as I met Molly I felt at ease. She was, of course, a genuine girl searching to meet “her people.” She was lovely and we clicked instantly, sharing many of the same interests and hobbies. We did the hot yoga class (which I loved) and grabbed a smoothie afterwards.

For Molly, joining Bumble for Friends didn’t require too much thought. She said: “I didn’t think too much about it, I just set up a profile and that was it really.” Molly has a few friends that she goes to university with, but was motivated to join the app after feeling somewhat unsettled in her shared accommodation. “I joined the app because of my living situation,” she told me, “The girls I live with just aren’t very sociable, so it’s just a way of meeting new people really, and different people as well.”

As well as sharing some common interests, Molly and I also bonded over the fact that this was the first time both of us had met someone from Bumble in real life. Molly said: “I’ve only been on the app for a few weeks and sometimes you’ll send a message, have a good chat, but then it’ll go dead. But it’s been a good experience so far.”

Date #2: coffee with Richika

After having such a positive experience at yoga with Molly, I had high hopes for my next Bumble friendship date.

It didn’t disappoint.

I went for a coffee with a girl named Richika, who initiated the plans. Her opening message to me was: “We should plan for coffee and walk in the park!” I admired her confidence, and these feelings only intensified after meeting her in person.

Our plans to walk were scuppered by the rain, so we grabbed a coffee instead. Richika is an international student who moved from Mumbai to Cardiff in order to study for a master's degree. This is her second time abroad, so Bumble seemed a good way for her to meet new people.

Richika said: “I have a lot of friends in Cardiff already, but they’re from my nationality. So while I’m here I thought I should interact with lots of different people. I downloaded the app to get a bit of diversity and meet people from outside my nationality.”

Both Molly and Richika told me they were on Bumble to meet different types of people, and I soon began to see the value in this myself. Speaking with Richika about her time growing up in Mumbai and her experiences as an international student really broadened my horizons, and I began to feel very grateful to the app for allowing me to meet such a variety of people.

"This is the future of making friends as an adult."
- Phoebe (date #3)

Date #3: dinner with Phoebe

My final friendship date of the week was something slightly different: a bite to eat at a local tapas restaurant. With two meetings under my wing already, I felt well versed in Bumble friendship dates, but there was something about going for dinner which felt like a step up.

As usual, I had nothing to worry about. As soon as Phoebe took her seat at the table, it felt as though we had known each other forever. We gossiped and joked as if we were old friends, all while sharing some delicious dishes.

Phoebe is a serial Bumble for Friends user, using the app for two years. She originally downloaded it when she moved to London. She said: “I was tired of having my boyfriend’s friends as the people I was relying on doing stuff with, so I thought why not start to make friends of my own?”

She has since parted ways with this boyfriend and moved from London to Wales, so her Bumble journey has continued. “I feel like this is the future of making friends as an adult,” Phoebe said, “Overall I’ve had really positive experiences. I think there’s been two dates I’ve been on that didn’t work, but I’ve maintained friendships with everyone else I’ve met on here.”

Did it work?

My time on Bumble for Friends was extremely positive. Not only did it allow me to branch out and try something new, but I also met three lovely girls. Myself and Molly are still in touch, with plans to go for dinner in the coming weeks. I hope to see Richika and Phoebe again too.

For this to work, you’ve got to be willing to put yourself out there and make a move. You also have to be open minded; I didn’t overthink it, and ended up meeting some amazing people from all walks of life. This experience showed me that there is nothing to worry about. Making new friends as an adult is easily done and the process of introducing different people into your circle is a very rewarding and eye-opening experience.